


Cruel Blue

by walking_travesty



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Past Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson, Sad with a Happy Ending, a tiny bit of angst, bc you know me, cannot write zouis without a lil bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_travesty/pseuds/walking_travesty
Summary: The lights are too bright, his chest feels ready to cave in and the bartender is kind of an arsehole, but he couldn’t have asked for a better night.-A story about grief and the brighter side of things.





	Cruel Blue

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the Rare Pair Fic Fest! 
> 
> It was a journey figuring out what I wanted to write for this, but I'm pretty happy with my decision in the end. This story is a little more delicate (?) and somber than anything else I've written and I'm surprised at how it turned out. 
> 
> Hopefully you all enjoy it? 
> 
> Also special thanks to my platonic soulmate Lee for being my beta and supporting me!
> 
> Any mistakes still left are my own!

= 

He doesn’t quite remember how he ended up at a bar an hour away from his apartment, but he honestly can’t say he’s mad about it. 

The lights are too bright, his chest feels ready to cave in, and there’s an ache in his bones that won’t go away no matter what he does, but despite all that, he can say that this is the most peaceful he’s felt in what’s felt like _years_. 

He brings his glass up to his lips, the sting of vodka only intensifying the ache and the gut wrenching feeling he has whenever he so much as _thinks_ about - 

“Fuck,” He whispers to himself, hands covering his face. He feels his cheeks heat with frustration, can feel the tears swelling up in his eyes. He hating being like this; _weak_ , vulnerable, lost. It was something he told himself to get over, he told himself time and time again to never get this low and here he was, desperate for answers, for a reason why the love of his life would -

“Stop,” He says to himself, hearing the shake in his voice and feeling all the more defeated. He didn’t know if could move on from this, the pain he felt was unbearable. Would he be able to open up like this again? Could he even face Nick after what he did? He didn’t have the answers to those questions, and that terrified him the most out of everything. 

What was he going to do? 

“Mate, you alright?” He hears a voice say, the tone warm, almost friendly. Louis shrugs his shoulders and gives a pitiful laugh, lifting his head from his hands. His eyes meet with a pair of dark, yet curious set of the lightest brown eyes he had ever seen. The bartender raises a perfectly sculpted dark brow, a frown etching his features in sharp, dark shadows. His long lashes juxtaposed the coldness of his features, bringing warmth and almost genuine concern to his face. 

“Is anyone okay at a bar at three in the morning?” Louis says, scolding himself with how watery his voice sounded. The bartender shrugs, picking up a glass from behind the bar. He cleans it hastily before setting it down on the counter and pouring a nearly full glass of bourbon into it. Louis eyes this wearily, flicking his gaze between the glass and the man. The bartender eyes him steadily before laughing softly to himself and raising the glass to his lips. He keeps eye contact with him as he takes a sip of his drink, Louis trying very hard not to watch the way his adam’s apple moves with everything gulp.

“Should you be drinking on the job like that?” Louis asks tentatively, ducking his head when the stranger smirks at him. He sets the nearly empty glass on the counter, leaning on the surface with his elbows. 

“No one gives a fuck at three in the morning,” He says, smirking triumphantly. Louis laughs humorlessly, taking another sip from his vodka, the sting almost taking away the pain. Almost. 

“You’re drinking at three in the morning, something’s gotta be wrong,” Louis chides, hiding the ghost of a smirk behind folded hands. The bartender laughs, pulling his thin, tanned fingers through his pitch black hair. He taps his fingers on the counter, eyeing Louis closely. It sent a chill down Louis’ spine for some unknown reason; probably the vodka. 

“There’s probably a lot of things wrong with me if I’m honest, babe,” He comments, shrugging apologetically, “But I’m just the bartender; here to serve you spirits to mend your wallowing soul and provide impromptu emotional support.” Louis does smile at that, shaking his head at the man. He chances a look over to him, his heart caught in a vice. Whether it was the dim lighting, or the heat rushing underneath his skin, he felt dangerous; alive, like a lit flame in the wind. 

“You sound like quite the catch,” Louis comments lowly, fingers playing with a loose thread coming off of his jumper, “Better than my last boyfriend.” 

“Ah, there it is.” The bartender says lowly, eyes enlightened with new fire. Louis raises an eyebrow at that, tilting his head. 

“What?” 

“The reason you’re here after all,” The man laughs, sipping his drink, “Let me guess; boyfriend wanted to move to the big city and follow his dreams but you were too rooted where you were. He doesn’t want to leave you, but he knows he’d regret it if he’d stay. So he left you behind and you’re here wallowing in self pity and drowning the pain of realizing you’d met at the wrong time with shitty vodka in a shitty bar on the outskirts of town at three in the morning,” He sighs, shaking his head with remorse, “If it were me, I’d never leave you behind like that; it’s quite selfish when you think about it.” 

“You’re bit of a prick, you know that, right?” Louis says in lieu of a response, the fire underneath his skin blazing brighter. The bartender smirks and shrugs, giving Louis a once over. 

“I may have been told that once or twice.” Louis shakes his head, trying to fight back the smile forcing its way into his face. 

“Although your theory is...interesting to say the least, I’m afraid you’re not even close to what actually happened,” Louis teases softly, ignoring the tightening of his throat and the way his hands begin to shake. The bartender raises an eyebrow, leaning further into Louis’ space. Louis can see the bits of gold in the bartender’s eyes, making it nearly impossible to look away. His hazel eyes drew you in, and the more you try to resist, the more they'll keep you there. It was a bit off putting how...enchanting the bartender was, he made every hair on Louis’ body stand at attention, every nerve on high alert. 

“Well now you have me intrigued,” He says lowly, taking another sip of his drink. He sees the reluctance in Louis’ eyes and sighs, “You realize you don’t have to tell me shit, right? I’m just a stranger -” 

“I know, I know, I just..I...I think it would help the whole like… _healing_ process or whatever if I told someone,” Louis sighs, taking in a deep breath before releasing it, trying to stay calm. He gives the bartender one last look before he sighs, leaning his elbows on the counter. 

“I caught my boyfriend of three years cheating on me, in our bed,” Louis says, almost releasing a hysterical laugh, “He didn’t show any remorse for it either; said that he didn’t want to hurt me but he had to do it in order to keep us both happy.” Louis clenches his fist at that, the frustration he felt coming again in waves, “I...I couldn’t be there anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought of being in that place w-with him and what he did to our relationship. I left, I left and got into my car and drove in any direction I felt like. I have nowhere to go, my friends are either out of the country or hours away, my mother’s dead and my dad’s been absent since I was kid. I’m alone, completely alone for the first time in my life and to be quite honest, I’m shitting myself because of it,” Louis laughs, the laughter turning into outright sobbing. His body heaves with the force of his sobs, the earth shattering beneath his feet until he was submerged in the deep, black void of the pain he felt. It was all the rage, the hurt, the confusion of the last ten hours compressed into one burst of emotion. He’d been dreading this moment, knew that it could hit him when he least expected it, and that moment happened to be when he’s confessing his greatest shame to a complete stranger in the early hours of the morning. Louis felt completely humiliated, he felt sick to his stomach with how _vulnerable_ Nick made him. He destroyed him and didn’t bother to pick up the pieces. 

“You’re alright, babe, you’re gonna’ be okay, yeah?” He can hear the stranger say to him. He can’t stop shaking, his breath coming out in short pants. He feels a light pressure on his back, causing him to jerk away violently. He gets up abruptly, tears blearing his vision as he attempts to walk out of the bar. 

“I don’t think you should be-“ 

“You don’t know shit about me and what I need,” Louis snaps, not bothering to look the man in the eye. He dashes out of the door into the pouring rain. 

_Of course._

Of course it had to be raining on the worst night of his life. He runs over to his car, fumbling around to get the keys out of his pocket, once they’re in his hands, he has trouble with the door, his hands unsteady, before he eventually gives up with another sob and slides to the gravel. He brings his knees up to his chest, cheek pressed into his knee as he tries to stay calm. He lets the rain wash away the tears, begs it to wash away the memory of Nick and their entire relationship. He wants to never remember this day, or the way that he felt in this moment again. He closes his eyes, the rain a comforting feeling for one reason or another. 

“You’ll catch a cold or something.” 

Louis startles at the voice, looking up. The bartender is standing over him, a large black umbrella overhead. His eyes looked soft, almost somber. Louis sighs heavily, the shaking in his hands spreading throughout his body. He shrugs after a moment, giving the man a bitter smile. 

“My life’s gone to shit in the matter of a day; a cold is the least of my worries, mate.” Louis says softly, pressing his forehead against his knees. 

“Come home with me,” The man says, kicking the tip of Louis’ shoe playfully. Louis snorts, giving him an incredulous look. 

“With you? You’re a complete stranger,” Louis huffs, shaking his head, “I don’t even know your name.” 

“It’s Zayn.” The man says, the hint of a smile playing at the edge of his lips. Louis closes his eyes, the cold from the rain seeping into his bones and into his heart. He opens his eyes again, looking the man up and down. 

“I’m Louis and listen...I know that it’s just decent to offer help to another human when they’re hurting or whatever, but...but you don’t have to take me in or anything. I’m not completely useless. I can take care of myself,” Louis shrugs, though the words are hollow and ring against his chest. Zayn huffs out a sigh as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He sticks one in his mouth and lights it as he eyes Louis closely. 

“I don’t go around offering my place to any prick feeling sorry for themselves, y’know,” Zayn mumbles around the cigarette, taking a long drag before dangling it between his two fingers by his side, “If you couldn’t tell, I’m kind of an arsehole.” 

Louis laughs despite everything, a small smile forming after. He looks up at Zayn and sighs, whatever fight he had left in him dissipating. 

“I’m not fucking you if that’s what you want,” Louis teases quietly, sighing as he gets up. He’s unsteady once he gets on his feet, nearly falling over until Zayn grabs him by the shoulder. Zayn snorts softly, rolling his eyes. 

“Wouldn’t want to anyway; you’re all soggy now,” Zayn says in a low voice. He stomps out his cigarette, placing a tender hand at the small of Louis’ back. He guides him in the direction of his car in the back of the lot. 

The drive to Zayn’s flat is silent, but nice. Louis hated silence, it always unsettled him for one reason or another. He was almost soothed by the quiet, the soft patter of the rain against the windows a soft lullaby. He felt at peace and it was strange to feel this way after everything that he has been through. He leans back in his seat, fingers tapping a mindless beat on his thigh, the only sound being the occasional sigh from Zayn, or when he would hum an unknown melody under his breath. 

It’s still raining heavily by the time they make it to Zayn’s place. He puts the car in park, wordlessly slipping out of his seat and out into the heavy downpour. Louis can’t even make out his lithe body from the stream of rain on the windshield, startling when the passenger door is swung open. Louis scrambles out of the car, running behind Zayn for cover. They make it into the building completely drenched, both boys out of breath but smiling. Zayn has this wicked sort of look on his face, his eyes a warm, smoldering amber. Louis feels warm despite being completely drenched, every nerve on edge. Zayn nods his head towards the stairs, waiting until Louis is behind him to start making his way up them. Once on the third floor, Zayn pulls out a set of keys his slender fingers shaking slightly from the cold. 

The flat is small but homey, the lamp Zayn switches on flooding the room with warm light. Louis turns his head at the sound of purring to find a cat circling around Zayn’s feet, its black fur matching its owners own dark hair. Zayn smiles warmly at the cat, bending down to scratch behind its ear. The cat purrs loudly at the affection, rubbing against Zayn’s leg before sauntering over to Louis. 

“Well hello there, beautiful,” Louis says under his breath, reaching out a hand. The cat sniffs his hand once before rubbing the side of its against his hand. 

“Her name is Jinx,” Zayn says, almost shyly. Louis smiles at the name, scratching her behind the ear before standing up again. He takes a closer look at his surroundings, taking in the quaint studio apartment. There were stacks of books in one corner while the other held an array of art supplies and canvas, and in the center of all that laid a queen sized mattress that took up most of the space on the floor. Off, to the side was a tiny kitchen with what appeared to be a bathroom next to it. Overall, the flat was small, intimate, and endearingly lived in. Louis looks up at Zayn to find that he was already staring. He had a nervous look on his face, fingers playing with the frayed end of his shirt. 

“It’s not much, but you’re welcome to stay the night,” He says softly, not quite meeting Louis’ eye. 

“It’s perfect, really. Thank you for -” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Zayn says, interrupting him. A silence falls between them, Louis feeling slightly uncomfortable and flustered while Zayn couldn’t stand still. 

“W-Would you...would you mind, uh, letting me borrow some clothes to sleep in? Mine are kind of...uh, soggy.” Louis laughs softly, mentally yelling at himself when he feels his cheeks heat up. _Why the hell are you blushing?_

Zayn seems to snap out of whatever mood he was in, nodding his head silently as he heads over to a closet next to his mountain of books. 

He gives him a tee-shirt and sweatpants wordlessly before he falls down onto his bed, “Bathroom’s open if you want to change in there,” He says, arm covering his eyes. Louis nods his head once, moving his way through the flat and into the bathroom. His clothes smell like old cologne, cigarettes, and something sweet that Louis just can’t put his finger on. When he emerges from the bathroom, Zayn is still lying on his bed, now with a lit cigarette in the hand dangling off the side of the bed. He looks over in Louis’ direction, looking him up a down wordlessly before turning his eyes up at the ceiling again. Louis blushes again for an unknown reason, crossing his arms across his chest self-consciously. He stands by the edge of the bed awkwardly, looking around the flat. He looks out the window, the rain a soft patter on the window. He notices that the sky beginning to lighten, the sunrise stills hours away and Louis realizes how tired he truly was. With a sigh he tentatively sits on the edge of the bed, giving Zayn a sheepish look. Zayn looks up at him, dark lashes fanning against his cheeks. He looked dangerous and inviting simultaneously in that moment, Louis’ mind running on overload to fully take in and comprehend the man’s beauty. 

“Tired?” Zayn asks, not waiting for a response as stubs out his cigarette in an ashtray by the bed. He sits up, pulling his shirt in one quick motion. Louis tries not to focus on the muscles of his back, the curve of his spine underneath honey brown skin. He looks away, pretending to be admiring Jinx, now curled up in a blanket on the floor by the door. He looks back once Zayn his underneath the covers, his back facing Louis’. Louis slides into the spot next to him, turning onto his side gingerly as he looks off into the distance. 

“This is by far the weirdest night of my life,” Louis says absently, pulling the blanket over his shoulder. Zayn huffs out something resembling a laugh, his head turning slightly. 

“You and me both, mate,” Zayn sighs, his voice a low rumble. 

Louis drifts off to sleep in a stranger’s bed, an hour away from all that he’s ever known and feels at peace for the first time in his life. 

\--- 

He wakes up the next morning to grey light filtering in from the windows, casting the room in a shadow of dull grays and blacks. The more awareness his gains, the more he realizes that there is an arm wrapped around his waist. He freezes, looking behind him before sighing a breath of relief. 

Zayn was still deep in sleep, his face open and youthful, his cheek smushed against his pillow. He stirs in his sleep, fingers absentmindedly rubbing against Louis’ hip. Louis smiles at that, a warm feeling spreading through his body. In reality, Zayn was a stranger and he was fresh out of a long term relationship; whatever this was (or could be) was insane to say the least. However, everything about this moment felt right. The feeling was something completely alien to what he’d ever had before. It felt more personable, raw; intimate. It was something that Louis wanted to protect with his life. He didn’t know what this meant for him and Zayn, but as of right now, he was perfectly content to enjoy this moment. Jinx purrs as she rubs her face against the hand Louis has stretched out over the side of the bed, her fur soft and smooth as she rubs her body across his fingers. He smiles tenderly, reaching out to scratch underneath her chin softly. 

“Morning, love,” He says tenderly, watching as she tries to play with his fingers. 

“You must be something special, she’s usually never this nice to strangers,” Zayn mumbles, his voice deep and rough from sleep. Louis feels his heart beat increase at the sound of his voice, his body freezing. 

“What can I say, I have a gift.” Louis says simply, his own voice still scratchy from misuse. Zayn grunts lowly, the hand on Louis’ hip unmoving. 

“Would you like some breakfast, great and powerful cat whisperer?” Zayn teases, his chin resting on Louis’ shoulder. Louis snorts, shaking his head as he turns his head. Suddenly his face was inches away from Zayn’s, his eyes going unfocused. He stared at him, his eyes occasionally dropping to his lips. He bit his lower lip, every hair on his body standing at attention. 

“That would be splendid, wretched mortal,” Louis says softly, swallowing after. Zayn smirks at him, giving his hip a gentle squeeze before detangling himself from Louis’ side. 

Louis watches him get up, his body a warm light of its own in the dark, colorless light coming from outside. He lies there, Jinx snuggled to his side as he watches Zayn saunter around his kitchen in only his boxers. 

He could get use to this. 

 

xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It's literally been so long since I've written fic for 1D and I'm happy to come back around to it again! This kinda gives me need to write in this fandom again. I want to thank the mods of the Rare Pair Fest for being amazing and very understanding (also because this is probably the most well put together ficfest I've been in to date.) 
> 
> Kudos are very much appreciated and comments are always welcomed! 
> 
> Thanks again!! <3


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